Close popout to restore video.

Tekker | 0 2,556

(Tekker, as an infant, ran drugs under the pseudoname "Hammerpants.") (Tekker once died fighting a volcano, hand to hand. Don't worry though, he got better. Then he went and did the volcano's girlfriend out of spite.) (Tekker once told gravity to "suck it" and started to fly, beginning their terrible rivalry.) (Tekker invented all game systems in the last twenty years, excluding the Wii. {fucking Tarzan, sit the fuck down} Tekker is twenty two.) (Tekker fires mind bullets out of his balls, but only when your mother is in play and there's a check of +2 to any action currently being rolled.) (Tekker uses his own brand of science, dubbed "SCIENCE!" by the scientific community, at gunpoint.) (Tekker has fired every bullet ever. But he recycles) (Tekker has killed two Gods. With gardening tools. A third with a sword, special occasion.) (Tekker broke Hell three times. The second and third times were accidents.) (Tekker's penis is a well known multi-tasker. It's been known to fight off Chinese invaders, do your taxes, and your mother all at the same time.) (Tekker and Blues created themselve by time traveling at the same time from two different dimensions. The resulting paradox merged the two universes and combined all living creatures together, except Tekker and Blues, who were too awesome to be contained in one being. Ted is the resulting amorphous goop that spewed out when this happened. He is failure incarnate.)